Sunday, September 26, 2021

National Daughters Day - A Mother's Confession!

My husband and I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters and three handsome sons.  I love all five of our children equally but I have to admit back when I was birthing children there was something so exciting when the doctor would say, “It’s a girl!!”   I remember after hearing those words with babies #2 and #5  I would say to myself.  Oh yes!!  I get to purchase all the dresses and bows and girly toys like dolls, Barbies and tea sets. 

 Things were smooth sailing raising the girls until they hit around age 12 and then I have to admit rough waters began.  When I think back to those years I wish I could have a redo but I know that’s impossible.  My parenting “girl” skills were not the best and when you combined that with all the hormones of them becoming teenagers it was a collision course for rocky times.  I have to admit mothering the girls in their teen years was hard and I put most of the blame on me.  When the girls would clam up  . .. so would I.  They didn’t talk to me so I didn’t really talk to them.  I felt like they were pushing me away and didn’t want anything to do with me so I just sadly did nothing out of hurt.  This is something I wish I could go back and change.  

Author Paul Tripp states that this strategy of mine was a parenting mistake on my part.  He says, "Sadly, I am afraid, many parents accept the moat that teenagers tend to build around themselves. They adjust to the lack of time and relationship with their teen who, only a few short years ago, wanted to tag along with them everywhere they went. They quit talking when their teenager quits talking. So, at the point where significant things happen, which the teenager was never meant to deal with alone, Mom and Dad are nowhere to be found.

I know that the Bible commands me as a mother to teach and instruct our daughters in the ways of the Lord. (Proverbs 1:8).   The Lord wants us involved with our kids and that process definitely requires a relationship.  For me to have any kind of influence over my daughters it requires me to be close to them, be actively consistent and involved in their worlds even if they act like they don’t want it.  What I should have done was been more involved and more intentional about creating that relationship with my girls whether they wanted it or resisted it.   Thankfully the Lord forgave me for my mistakes and my girls did too.  There have been some very rough years which I take the blame for but thankfully the Lord heals and restores and that’s what He did with me and my girls.  Are things perfect today?  No but they are getting better with each passing day.  

If you and your daughter/daughters are having a rocky time or you fear you are on the road to that go to the Lord in prayer.  The Lord wants to hear our prayers concerning everything but especially our prayers for our children.    Author J.C. Ryle encourages parents with this quote, "The Lord is far more willing to hear than we to pray; far more ready to give blessings than we to ask them — but He loves to be entreated for them. . . . I suspect the child of many prayers is seldom cast away.”   . So never forget that prayer is the key to accessing our daughters heart so with faith and boldness we can ask Him to restore or strengthen our mother-daughter relationships. 

Building a close mother/daughter relationship can take time especially if there has been hurt and mistrust but don’t let that stop you from building and developing a friendship with your daughter/daughters again.  Keep the Lord in the center of it all and He will be there to see you through it all!  How do I know . . .. because He did it for me and my girls.  

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